I often measure my success in weight loss with a lower number on the scale than the week before. I've been working out a lot and eating right and lately the scale has not been my friend. I'm still struggling to reach the 40 lbs lost goal which is a pound away. I feel like I'm having a mental struggle, any time I get close to that goal I end up gaining or staying stagnant, making that goal seem more and more impossible to reach. So here I sit 1 lb away from losing forty and getting more and more annoyed by the minute.
Although my scale number has remained the same, my measurements have shrunk. I find myself not exactly satisfied with this loss of inches. So I ask you... which is better: to lose inches or to lose a tangible scale number?
I should be happy that Something is happening, but I can't quite feel happy when I'm feeling so frustrated. I just want one more pound on the scale and it just isn't happening. Am I focusing and dwelling to much on it for it to happen? Should I just forget about the anxiety that goes along with it and focus on staying determined forgetting about the number?
I have to admit, when I was fresh out of college and poor I was at my absolute lowest (adult) weight which is about 14 lbs from where I am now. It is my mini goal to reach that weight again, however, although I'm 14 lbs heavier than I was then-- I fit into the same size pants as I wore then which technically shouldn't fit me quite yet. I also fit back into my dress that I've been trying to fit into for the last 7 years that only fit me at my lowest weight. I realized when it fit me how far I have come and how much I liked the dress 7 years ago, but it's so not my style now. Still, it fits and that's all the matters.
Clearly my measurements are closer to what they were when I weighed less but I weigh more--so which is better: weighing less or having more muscle and weighing more? I'd like to say I have the answer but I don't. I would like to see the number I want on the scale, but I also like how toned I've become. I think I need a good mix of both. I need the incentive of the scale moving to keep me going, but I also like being toned. It makes me feel strong and like I can accomplish anything. And that's a feeling I can get used to.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
One step forward, two steps back
Sometimes I feel like I'm walking in place on a treadmill or worse--trying to succeed at something that keeps knocking me down. I've had plenty of success on Weight Watchers for awhile now, but ever since the holidays came and went, namely the month of November came, my success has been stalled. I think I *might* have lost a few pounds, meaning two, in December, but I have not lost a single pound since then and it's been a month and a half. And I HAVE been trying. It gets frustrating to try and try and try and see no results. And I don't mean by trying that I'm eating on plan and that's it-- I mean I'm eating on plan and exercising a lot and still nothing.
After the holidays came and went, I silently praised myself for only gaining a few pounds during such a hard time. But now I'm silently curing myself for even allowing that to happen. I gained a few pounds at Christmas and then New Years and then I spent ALL of January trying to work off those 4 pounds, and it took all of January to do so. I thought it would come off much faster, but much to my surprise those four little pounds wanted to stick around forever. Too bad I'm not letting them get the best of me.
Two weeks ago I decided I was going to strive to lose a few pounds making me able to hit my 40 lb mark. This seemed like mission impossible because I have been losing about .5 lb a week and I wanted to hit a 2 lb loss. I stuck to the plan perfectly. I ate very clean- only fruit, veggies, meat-- nothing at all processed except a little wine on the weekend. I worked out 3 hrs a day, my usual routine. And I expected to see a great loss from all my hard work, however, what I got was a .5lb Gain. Yes, I said gain. I was beyond pissed off.
The gain after all that hard work made me even more determined to hit my 40lb loss goal. I realized that I probably ate a bit too much fruit that week--those carbs are good in moderation, but I may have overstuffed myself with them when I was hungry instead of eating the usual snacks. I also decided my exercise routine had become a little too routine. I was bored with it.
I've been wanting to try Zumba for awhile now and kept finding reasons not to. I think I was a little scared to try it in a class in front of people, in case I couldn't do it. BUT I finally decided to stop wanting to try it and try it already. I found a place about 15 mins away from me that offers the class 5 days a week--and the best part is that you don't have to belong to a gym (which I don't) to try it. So I decided to go and pay $5 to try the thing I'd been wanting to try forever.
For those of you that don't know, Zumba is a Latin inspired dance exercise routine. It is a lot of hip work. It works your hips, legs, arms and core. You sweat a lot and you feel great doing it. I thought I might feel a little silly shaking my hips in a class full of women, and then I realized they aren't there to size me up, they are there to get an awesome workout in too.
I was hooked after the first song. I couldn't believe how fun it was! Seriously, a work out I actually ENJOYED doing. I signed up for the unlimited package for the month which means I can go anytime I want. And I've been going. I decided to start a little slower-- I went three times last week (and with the snow we got I really couldn't have made it more) and this week I'm aiming for 4 times. For those of you who haven't tried Zumba and are looking for something different, I suggest you try it at least once!
I still have one and a half pounds to lose to hit the 40 pounds lost mark and I'm' hoping Zumba helps me to get there this week.
After the holidays came and went, I silently praised myself for only gaining a few pounds during such a hard time. But now I'm silently curing myself for even allowing that to happen. I gained a few pounds at Christmas and then New Years and then I spent ALL of January trying to work off those 4 pounds, and it took all of January to do so. I thought it would come off much faster, but much to my surprise those four little pounds wanted to stick around forever. Too bad I'm not letting them get the best of me.
Two weeks ago I decided I was going to strive to lose a few pounds making me able to hit my 40 lb mark. This seemed like mission impossible because I have been losing about .5 lb a week and I wanted to hit a 2 lb loss. I stuck to the plan perfectly. I ate very clean- only fruit, veggies, meat-- nothing at all processed except a little wine on the weekend. I worked out 3 hrs a day, my usual routine. And I expected to see a great loss from all my hard work, however, what I got was a .5lb Gain. Yes, I said gain. I was beyond pissed off.
The gain after all that hard work made me even more determined to hit my 40lb loss goal. I realized that I probably ate a bit too much fruit that week--those carbs are good in moderation, but I may have overstuffed myself with them when I was hungry instead of eating the usual snacks. I also decided my exercise routine had become a little too routine. I was bored with it.
I've been wanting to try Zumba for awhile now and kept finding reasons not to. I think I was a little scared to try it in a class in front of people, in case I couldn't do it. BUT I finally decided to stop wanting to try it and try it already. I found a place about 15 mins away from me that offers the class 5 days a week--and the best part is that you don't have to belong to a gym (which I don't) to try it. So I decided to go and pay $5 to try the thing I'd been wanting to try forever.
For those of you that don't know, Zumba is a Latin inspired dance exercise routine. It is a lot of hip work. It works your hips, legs, arms and core. You sweat a lot and you feel great doing it. I thought I might feel a little silly shaking my hips in a class full of women, and then I realized they aren't there to size me up, they are there to get an awesome workout in too.
I was hooked after the first song. I couldn't believe how fun it was! Seriously, a work out I actually ENJOYED doing. I signed up for the unlimited package for the month which means I can go anytime I want. And I've been going. I decided to start a little slower-- I went three times last week (and with the snow we got I really couldn't have made it more) and this week I'm aiming for 4 times. For those of you who haven't tried Zumba and are looking for something different, I suggest you try it at least once!
I still have one and a half pounds to lose to hit the 40 pounds lost mark and I'm' hoping Zumba helps me to get there this week.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Snowshoe how did I not know about you
My husband recently sold his Rosignol skis which he used exactly two times and therefore we came into a small amount of cash. Since he already had a pair of snowshoes that he never got to use, he suggested I get a pair of snowshoes and we could go hiking in the winter with the dogs. I wasn't so sure about this idea as I already have a hard enough time not tripping over my own feet. And just as I was contemplating the purchase we got the little nudge we needed: 20% off on all snowshoes at EMS. It was like a sign attracting me. So we went there the other day, just to browse...and talk to the sales lady who pointed out the differences in all the different types of snowshoes. I walked out with a brand new pair of kick ass snowshoes which I had no idea if I was going to enjoy using or not. The ones I got were curved a certain way as to make it really easy to walk in and so that it's impossible to trip over your feet while walking normally. Score for me. I need all the help I can get.
We had just gotten a foot of white powdery stuff the other day and we decided to go out for a hike in the woods with the dogs and test them out. Ideally the snow wasn't the right kind for snowshoeing because you want to walk on top of the snow and this was powder so you sunk in. However, the snowshoes made it a lot easier to walk because the claws on the bottom created good traction. I had a great time! Snowshoeing is super fun and we got some great pics of the winter tundra.
We had just gotten a foot of white powdery stuff the other day and we decided to go out for a hike in the woods with the dogs and test them out. Ideally the snow wasn't the right kind for snowshoeing because you want to walk on top of the snow and this was powder so you sunk in. However, the snowshoes made it a lot easier to walk because the claws on the bottom created good traction. I had a great time! Snowshoeing is super fun and we got some great pics of the winter tundra.
Monday, December 27, 2010
It's wrong
Why does food have to envelop the whole essence of the holiday season? I've come close to losing forty pounds and with that I've become a little ocd about not gaining it back. So for me Christmas has become a little more about food watching and a little less about enjoyment. I've been worried about it for weeks. We were spending Christmas Eve with my family this year and Christmas day and the following day with my husbands family. Christmas eve was a source of anxiety for me because I knew my mom was making lasagna and I know that's not really allowed on WW, at least not the version my mom makes with tons of noodles and cheese. And as if lasagna wasn't enough I knew there would be other things to eat and there was.
Christmas Day, I knew, would be even harder to get through. My husbands family does not eat healthy. At all. And for me, that is a problem because I don't usually have anything healthy to choose when I'm there. So we had a huge spread of food for lunch and dinner consisting of tons of unhealthy food. I didn't want any of it but what can you do?
And to top off the already anxiety I was having about food and weight gain add a sister in law who hands you a glass of wine that's probably 20 oz. full of your fave wine drink and a vicious period that wants you to stuff yourself full of all the food your brain is telling you you can not have. I went into Christmas telling myself I wasn't going to gain weight and I was starving all day and I ended up throwing caution to the wind and pigging out! Yes, I had one glass of wine, although it was more like 2 because it was so big, and I decided to enjoy Christmas day and not worry about it. So that's what I did. I enjoyed myself and had a great time with no ocd thoughts of food, what I could or couldn't eat, or gaining back what i've tried so had to erase. Today the scale says I gained a few pounds back like I knew it would.
Christmas shouldn't be about having anxiety over food. I really wish it hadn't been like that for me. I think if I was in a spot where I was happy with my weight then I would have been more apt to not really care about eating not so healthy for one day, but I'm not there yet. I'm still trying to lose weight and that's where it gets hard for me.
My husband was so sick 3 days before Christmas with a stomach bug, and I know it's wrong, but I couldn't help wishing to catch it so that I could lose a few more pounds by not eating. That's such a bad thing to wish for but it is what I was hoping only because I knew how hard Christmas was going to be for me. Of course I didn't catch his bug so it's back to working out and losing the healthy way.
Christmas Day, I knew, would be even harder to get through. My husbands family does not eat healthy. At all. And for me, that is a problem because I don't usually have anything healthy to choose when I'm there. So we had a huge spread of food for lunch and dinner consisting of tons of unhealthy food. I didn't want any of it but what can you do?
And to top off the already anxiety I was having about food and weight gain add a sister in law who hands you a glass of wine that's probably 20 oz. full of your fave wine drink and a vicious period that wants you to stuff yourself full of all the food your brain is telling you you can not have. I went into Christmas telling myself I wasn't going to gain weight and I was starving all day and I ended up throwing caution to the wind and pigging out! Yes, I had one glass of wine, although it was more like 2 because it was so big, and I decided to enjoy Christmas day and not worry about it. So that's what I did. I enjoyed myself and had a great time with no ocd thoughts of food, what I could or couldn't eat, or gaining back what i've tried so had to erase. Today the scale says I gained a few pounds back like I knew it would.
Christmas shouldn't be about having anxiety over food. I really wish it hadn't been like that for me. I think if I was in a spot where I was happy with my weight then I would have been more apt to not really care about eating not so healthy for one day, but I'm not there yet. I'm still trying to lose weight and that's where it gets hard for me.
My husband was so sick 3 days before Christmas with a stomach bug, and I know it's wrong, but I couldn't help wishing to catch it so that I could lose a few more pounds by not eating. That's such a bad thing to wish for but it is what I was hoping only because I knew how hard Christmas was going to be for me. Of course I didn't catch his bug so it's back to working out and losing the healthy way.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Backhanded comments
You know you've all gotten them, the stares- the looks of envy because of something someone else is jealous of. I'm pretty sure everyone, at least once in their life, has also been the victim of the backhanded comment. I'm not really sure why people give these out. Do they not know that we are smart enough to realize that it's not really a compliment? Well, I was the recipient of a backhanded comment at Thanksgiving time from none other than my mother.
"You look great," she said, "you look really skinny for you." Well, thank you so much for telling me i look like I've lost weight but that I'm still fat, that's just what i needed to hear to keep me motivated. Then she talked about how she weighs like 120lbs now. To be honest, I was like really pissed about that comment for a week. Really pissed. I'm still annoyed about it, but I've let it go for the most part. I don't need that negativity in my life. I don't normally allow people like that in my life but she's my mother- it's not like I can cut her out of my life. What do you do when you family makes backhanded comments to you?
"You look great," she said, "you look really skinny for you." Well, thank you so much for telling me i look like I've lost weight but that I'm still fat, that's just what i needed to hear to keep me motivated. Then she talked about how she weighs like 120lbs now. To be honest, I was like really pissed about that comment for a week. Really pissed. I'm still annoyed about it, but I've let it go for the most part. I don't need that negativity in my life. I don't normally allow people like that in my life but she's my mother- it's not like I can cut her out of my life. What do you do when you family makes backhanded comments to you?
I'm Thankful for...
I'm Thankful that I joined WW when I did because I didn't realize how fat [and unhealthy] I was until I see pictures of what I looked like LAST holiday season. Holy smokes. Although I still have a long road ahead of me, I have also realize that I have come a long way. I do wish it was coming off a little faster because, lets face it, I like to see and feel results-just like everyone else.
Lets do a little comparison shall we. Last New Years:
I know it's not a full body picture, but look at my face and my humungo boobs! Although I don't have a picture of this year's new years because we did something different and I didn't have my camera, here is a recent picture of what I am looking like now:
I am aiming for a goal of a healthy BMI for me and I have quite a long road ahead but it's becoming shorter and shorter with every day. And as an added bonus, I don't hate the camera anymore.
Lets do a little comparison shall we. Last New Years:
The Wall
First of all, I'm sorry I haven't been actively blogging in a few months. I haven't really had anything major to report and I don't always make time to blog if I don't have anything to say. My weight loss slowed way down after my last post and I hit a serious Plateau. The weight just wasn't coming off like it had. Perhaps it was the fact that it started getting colder and I cut out my daily walks with the dogs, or perhaps it was the holidays (which I know aren't over yet), or perhaps I was getting a little too comfortable with the weight watchers plan and maybe I wasn't tracking *everything* and that added up. I was still losing just at a very slow pace. Some weeks even remained the same weight. I was really getting frustrated with my non-big losses. In retrospect, blogging about it probably would have made me feel a little better.
Other things in my life remained the same as well- I'm still unemployed. I had two interviews for my dream job, and waited patiently to hear from them only to find out they gave the position to the other person. I was pretty heart broken, but still I'm moving on. There must be something better for me out there.
My mom remains annoying as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but everything with her is a competition and I didn't want my weight loss journey to be like that and it has become that to her. She keeps asking me how much weight I've lost and then decided she needs to lose weight (which she totally does not) and is doing it in the most unhealthy way ever-- major calorie restriction. And then she brags to me about how she weighs 125 lbs now or 120 lbs. I guess I'm happy for her(although I don't think she should lose anymore and she still does), but it's also annoying to hear about how she's losing weight and what she allows herself to eat or not eat and how her way is better. I know her way may be working for her because she's not really eating much, but I also know that won't work for me. I'd be starving all the time and then binge and it just would be a big unhealthy mess. And it's not healthy to eat one clementine for lunch. The whole reason I didn't want to tell her I joined Weight Watchers was because of her whole *competition* issue that she has. She ALWAYS has had to be better or thinner than anyone else, not that I'm anywhere near 125lbs-believe me I wish I was. But for me, this isn't a competition, this is my life and I'm trying to get healthy and so I remain on Weight Watchers doing it the healthy and slow way.
Other things in my life remained the same as well- I'm still unemployed. I had two interviews for my dream job, and waited patiently to hear from them only to find out they gave the position to the other person. I was pretty heart broken, but still I'm moving on. There must be something better for me out there.
My mom remains annoying as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but everything with her is a competition and I didn't want my weight loss journey to be like that and it has become that to her. She keeps asking me how much weight I've lost and then decided she needs to lose weight (which she totally does not) and is doing it in the most unhealthy way ever-- major calorie restriction. And then she brags to me about how she weighs 125 lbs now or 120 lbs. I guess I'm happy for her(although I don't think she should lose anymore and she still does), but it's also annoying to hear about how she's losing weight and what she allows herself to eat or not eat and how her way is better. I know her way may be working for her because she's not really eating much, but I also know that won't work for me. I'd be starving all the time and then binge and it just would be a big unhealthy mess. And it's not healthy to eat one clementine for lunch. The whole reason I didn't want to tell her I joined Weight Watchers was because of her whole *competition* issue that she has. She ALWAYS has had to be better or thinner than anyone else, not that I'm anywhere near 125lbs-believe me I wish I was. But for me, this isn't a competition, this is my life and I'm trying to get healthy and so I remain on Weight Watchers doing it the healthy and slow way.
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