It's wrong

Why does food have to envelop the whole essence of the holiday season? I've come close to losing forty pounds and with that I've become a little ocd about not gaining it back. So for me Christmas has become a little more about food watching and a little less about enjoyment. I've been worried about it for weeks. We were spending Christmas Eve with my family this year and Christmas day and the following day with my husbands family. Christmas eve was a source of anxiety for me because I knew my mom was making lasagna and I know that's not really allowed on WW, at least not the version my mom makes with tons of noodles and cheese. And as if lasagna wasn't enough I knew there would be other things to eat and there was.

Christmas Day, I knew, would be even harder to get through. My husbands family does not eat healthy. At all. And for me, that is a problem because I don't usually have anything healthy to choose when I'm there. So we had a huge spread of food for lunch and dinner consisting of tons of unhealthy food. I didn't want any of it but what can you do?

And to top off the already anxiety I was having about food and weight gain add a sister in law who hands you a glass of wine that's probably 20 oz. full of your fave wine drink and a vicious period that wants you to stuff yourself full of all the food your brain is telling you you can not have. I went into Christmas telling myself I wasn't going to gain weight and I was starving all day and I ended up throwing caution to the wind and pigging out! Yes, I had one glass of wine, although it was more like 2 because it was so big, and I decided to enjoy Christmas day and not worry about it. So that's what I did. I enjoyed myself and had a great time with no ocd thoughts of food, what I could or couldn't eat, or gaining back what i've tried so had to erase. Today the scale says I gained a few pounds back like I knew it would.

Christmas shouldn't be about having anxiety over food. I really wish it hadn't been like that for me. I think if I was in a spot where I was happy with my weight then I would have been more apt to not really care about eating not so healthy for one day, but I'm not there yet. I'm still trying to lose weight and that's where it gets hard for me.

My husband was so sick 3 days before Christmas with a stomach bug, and I know it's wrong, but I couldn't help wishing to catch it so that I could lose a few more pounds by not eating. That's such a bad thing to wish for but it is what I was hoping only because I knew how hard Christmas was going to be for me. Of course I didn't catch his bug so it's back to working out and losing the healthy way.