Flashback

I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. This is a brief synopsis of my struggle with weight.

I was always the fat kid in elementary school.  Yes, I was chubbier than my skinny friends, but just because I had a little extra padding didn't mean I deserved the treatment that I got. I was teased and taunted beyond belief in elementary school and middle school. In high school people stopped the teasing but I still had the scars from the past burned into my psyche. I tried to lose weight. I failed. I tried again. I failed again.

A large part of the failure was due to my own lack of self control but I also blame my mother for part of it. I grew up eating cookies, little debbies, chocolate and ice cream. Instead of having fruit in the fridge my mother had a cabinet full of disgustingly good snacks. And I ate them when I was alone. After school everyday I hit up the cabinet like it was my job.  I acquired some serious bad habits that I'm not proud of.

I asked my mom to stop buying the junk because I realized if it was there I would eat it and I really didn't want to. But she wouldn't stop buying it. She has always been obsessed with her own body image and it gave her pleasure to watch others eat the foods she wouldn't allow to enter her lips. Along with her buying food for me to gorge on I had to listen to how "fat" she was at 105 lbs. Yeah, what a heifer. It made me feel worse about myself knowing she thought she was fat. I ate chocolate when I felt like that. Chocolate made everything better for the moment, but then I'd need more and it was a bad cycle that kept replaying.

Through my own discipline and desire (and joining a gym) I lost a lot of weight my senior year of high school.
I gained some of it back my freshman year of college. Then I lost some of it over the summer. Then I gained some of that back the following year. And, you guessed it, I lost some of it over the summer. Do you see the pattern here? Gain some, lose some... never quite losing it all. By my junior year of college I was pretty disappointed with myself again and BFF and I joined a gym. 

BFF and I pushed each other to reach our goals and to work out. We both ate healthy and eventually started seeing some great results.I learned that Eating healthy + working out = weight loss.

After college I was at my thinnest, well the thinnest I had ever been in my adult life. Then I started dating my now husband.  Eating out, drinking beers and having a new relationship definitely started to creep up on me. It was pretty sneaky and I didn't quite realize how bad it had gotten.  I was happy, I was in love and I was enjoying life.

Fast forward a few years and I have a problem. A big one.


anyone else out there struggle with a weight problem since they were a child?