My body has gone through some changes these last months. I'm actively trying to lose weight and I am doing just that. I don't always see the changes that have been made. It's hard for me to see the "new" me when I look in the mirror. I still see the old fater version of me but I'm learning to let go of her. I'm learning to see what's in front of me and not what I think is in front of me.
People ask me how much I've lost and I tell them like it's no big deal because I'm not exactly at the spot I want to be at. I'm not at goal, I'm not close to goal but I AM getting closer every day. If I sit back and actually think about how much I have lost, 30.5 pounds, it IS a big deal. I've worked really hard to get that number to go down. And I should be a lot prouder of myself than I am but for some reason I haven't been. Thirty pounds! It doesn't sound like a huge amount to me, but in reality that's a lot of weight! I was thinking it wasn't a lot but an event that took place the other day kind of placed me back into reality.
The other day, I bought the big bag of dog food for my dog. I hiked it up on my shoulder and carried it from the car to the house. I struggled walking up the steps because it was so heavy- i thought to myself that it must be a fifty pound bag, but it wasn't. I looked at the weight of it when I put it down and it was 35lbs. That is 4.5 pounds more than what I've lost so far. And I thought about that. I thought about how I used to walk around that much heavier and couldn't believe that is what 30 lbs feels like! (okay, i know it was 35 pounds but close enough for my comparison). That is the day that I realized how much of a big deal it really is. I should be so proud of myself for shedding that unnecessary weight off of my body. I have more energy and more desire to do things now and it's because it is easier for me to move! When I had that bag of dog food on my shoulder it was HARD to walk up the stairs. That is, in fact, what it was like for me everyday when I had that extra weight on my body, only I didn't realize that. I honestly couldn't believe that's what I've lost, but it is. And it made me proud of myself. I am happy with the changes I have made so far and I should be.
There is also another event that took place this week which made me realize how very far I have come. I was packing some of my summer tank tops and shorts away and I came across a pile (4 pair) of pants that I kept in hopes of fitting into them again someday. Two pairs of jeans and two pairs of work pants. My favorites of all time that I have not been able to wear in oh---about 5 years. I decided to pull them out and look at them. To be able to wear them again has always been a goal of mine- that's why I've hung onto them for so long. I impulsively decided to try them on, knowing there was no way I was even close to fitting into them again. And. They. FIT. At first I thought I was hallucinating but pair after pair fit me. My favorite pair of jeans fits me again, however, they will fit and look better if I lose another 5 pounds, but the point is-that they fit and I didn't quite think I was at that point yet.
I did a happy dance around the room...and then I took them off and put them in my drawer instead of in the pack away box and that felt really great.
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