Why does food have to envelop the whole essence of the holiday season? I've come close to losing forty pounds and with that I've become a little ocd about not gaining it back. So for me Christmas has become a little more about food watching and a little less about enjoyment. I've been worried about it for weeks. We were spending Christmas Eve with my family this year and Christmas day and the following day with my husbands family. Christmas eve was a source of anxiety for me because I knew my mom was making lasagna and I know that's not really allowed on WW, at least not the version my mom makes with tons of noodles and cheese. And as if lasagna wasn't enough I knew there would be other things to eat and there was.
Christmas Day, I knew, would be even harder to get through. My husbands family does not eat healthy. At all. And for me, that is a problem because I don't usually have anything healthy to choose when I'm there. So we had a huge spread of food for lunch and dinner consisting of tons of unhealthy food. I didn't want any of it but what can you do?
And to top off the already anxiety I was having about food and weight gain add a sister in law who hands you a glass of wine that's probably 20 oz. full of your fave wine drink and a vicious period that wants you to stuff yourself full of all the food your brain is telling you you can not have. I went into Christmas telling myself I wasn't going to gain weight and I was starving all day and I ended up throwing caution to the wind and pigging out! Yes, I had one glass of wine, although it was more like 2 because it was so big, and I decided to enjoy Christmas day and not worry about it. So that's what I did. I enjoyed myself and had a great time with no ocd thoughts of food, what I could or couldn't eat, or gaining back what i've tried so had to erase. Today the scale says I gained a few pounds back like I knew it would.
Christmas shouldn't be about having anxiety over food. I really wish it hadn't been like that for me. I think if I was in a spot where I was happy with my weight then I would have been more apt to not really care about eating not so healthy for one day, but I'm not there yet. I'm still trying to lose weight and that's where it gets hard for me.
My husband was so sick 3 days before Christmas with a stomach bug, and I know it's wrong, but I couldn't help wishing to catch it so that I could lose a few more pounds by not eating. That's such a bad thing to wish for but it is what I was hoping only because I knew how hard Christmas was going to be for me. Of course I didn't catch his bug so it's back to working out and losing the healthy way.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Backhanded comments
You know you've all gotten them, the stares- the looks of envy because of something someone else is jealous of. I'm pretty sure everyone, at least once in their life, has also been the victim of the backhanded comment. I'm not really sure why people give these out. Do they not know that we are smart enough to realize that it's not really a compliment? Well, I was the recipient of a backhanded comment at Thanksgiving time from none other than my mother.
"You look great," she said, "you look really skinny for you." Well, thank you so much for telling me i look like I've lost weight but that I'm still fat, that's just what i needed to hear to keep me motivated. Then she talked about how she weighs like 120lbs now. To be honest, I was like really pissed about that comment for a week. Really pissed. I'm still annoyed about it, but I've let it go for the most part. I don't need that negativity in my life. I don't normally allow people like that in my life but she's my mother- it's not like I can cut her out of my life. What do you do when you family makes backhanded comments to you?
"You look great," she said, "you look really skinny for you." Well, thank you so much for telling me i look like I've lost weight but that I'm still fat, that's just what i needed to hear to keep me motivated. Then she talked about how she weighs like 120lbs now. To be honest, I was like really pissed about that comment for a week. Really pissed. I'm still annoyed about it, but I've let it go for the most part. I don't need that negativity in my life. I don't normally allow people like that in my life but she's my mother- it's not like I can cut her out of my life. What do you do when you family makes backhanded comments to you?
I'm Thankful for...
I'm Thankful that I joined WW when I did because I didn't realize how fat [and unhealthy] I was until I see pictures of what I looked like LAST holiday season. Holy smokes. Although I still have a long road ahead of me, I have also realize that I have come a long way. I do wish it was coming off a little faster because, lets face it, I like to see and feel results-just like everyone else.
Lets do a little comparison shall we. Last New Years:
I know it's not a full body picture, but look at my face and my humungo boobs! Although I don't have a picture of this year's new years because we did something different and I didn't have my camera, here is a recent picture of what I am looking like now:
I am aiming for a goal of a healthy BMI for me and I have quite a long road ahead but it's becoming shorter and shorter with every day. And as an added bonus, I don't hate the camera anymore.
Lets do a little comparison shall we. Last New Years:
The Wall
First of all, I'm sorry I haven't been actively blogging in a few months. I haven't really had anything major to report and I don't always make time to blog if I don't have anything to say. My weight loss slowed way down after my last post and I hit a serious Plateau. The weight just wasn't coming off like it had. Perhaps it was the fact that it started getting colder and I cut out my daily walks with the dogs, or perhaps it was the holidays (which I know aren't over yet), or perhaps I was getting a little too comfortable with the weight watchers plan and maybe I wasn't tracking *everything* and that added up. I was still losing just at a very slow pace. Some weeks even remained the same weight. I was really getting frustrated with my non-big losses. In retrospect, blogging about it probably would have made me feel a little better.
Other things in my life remained the same as well- I'm still unemployed. I had two interviews for my dream job, and waited patiently to hear from them only to find out they gave the position to the other person. I was pretty heart broken, but still I'm moving on. There must be something better for me out there.
My mom remains annoying as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but everything with her is a competition and I didn't want my weight loss journey to be like that and it has become that to her. She keeps asking me how much weight I've lost and then decided she needs to lose weight (which she totally does not) and is doing it in the most unhealthy way ever-- major calorie restriction. And then she brags to me about how she weighs 125 lbs now or 120 lbs. I guess I'm happy for her(although I don't think she should lose anymore and she still does), but it's also annoying to hear about how she's losing weight and what she allows herself to eat or not eat and how her way is better. I know her way may be working for her because she's not really eating much, but I also know that won't work for me. I'd be starving all the time and then binge and it just would be a big unhealthy mess. And it's not healthy to eat one clementine for lunch. The whole reason I didn't want to tell her I joined Weight Watchers was because of her whole *competition* issue that she has. She ALWAYS has had to be better or thinner than anyone else, not that I'm anywhere near 125lbs-believe me I wish I was. But for me, this isn't a competition, this is my life and I'm trying to get healthy and so I remain on Weight Watchers doing it the healthy and slow way.
Other things in my life remained the same as well- I'm still unemployed. I had two interviews for my dream job, and waited patiently to hear from them only to find out they gave the position to the other person. I was pretty heart broken, but still I'm moving on. There must be something better for me out there.
My mom remains annoying as well. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but everything with her is a competition and I didn't want my weight loss journey to be like that and it has become that to her. She keeps asking me how much weight I've lost and then decided she needs to lose weight (which she totally does not) and is doing it in the most unhealthy way ever-- major calorie restriction. And then she brags to me about how she weighs 125 lbs now or 120 lbs. I guess I'm happy for her(although I don't think she should lose anymore and she still does), but it's also annoying to hear about how she's losing weight and what she allows herself to eat or not eat and how her way is better. I know her way may be working for her because she's not really eating much, but I also know that won't work for me. I'd be starving all the time and then binge and it just would be a big unhealthy mess. And it's not healthy to eat one clementine for lunch. The whole reason I didn't want to tell her I joined Weight Watchers was because of her whole *competition* issue that she has. She ALWAYS has had to be better or thinner than anyone else, not that I'm anywhere near 125lbs-believe me I wish I was. But for me, this isn't a competition, this is my life and I'm trying to get healthy and so I remain on Weight Watchers doing it the healthy and slow way.
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